Cherry blossoms

So I’ve felt pretty restless the past month. I’ll admit that. Being in a large city that seems endless, boundary-less, is overwhelming at times. Disorientating. Even depressing.

I’m burning out pretty much. I’m done with academia. Done with group field trips. Done with a local who’s never been abroad but loves the US and doesn’t know why. Done with every person who thinks that way.

Unfortunately, that’s almost all young people here. Maybe I’m just sick of the gross romanticizing. People don’t realize that to earn money in the US, they have to be filthy rich to even get there. To even be able to live and eat there.

I’m ready for a change of pace and of scenery. I keep thinking about how much I want an easygoing lifestyle back. Everyday I watch my waistline grow as my host mother tries to get me to eat more and more. Normally, I wouldn’t care that much but here, I feel an insane amount of pressure to care about my self-image. To blend in. And while that sometimes happens, I don’t ever want that kind of blending in to happen. I never want to lose my own identity. I just don’t know how to keep it and not over-insist it. Sui bian. Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing with my life. Don’t we all?